What does it all mean?
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I’ve been thinking a lot lately about the fact that nothing in life is inherently meaningful.
Meaning is created, not inherent.
Have you ever considered that? It was a real revelation for me when I learned this.
Choices, circumstances, mistakes, outcomes, or challenges are just things that happen. They just are. They are not inherently meaningful. We attribute meaning to them.
Sure, there are certain things that the majority of people interpret in the same way. But that doesn’t mean that the event in question inherently has that meaning. It just means that those people are viewing those events in the same way.
Take, for example, someone being laid off. Most people would say, “Oh, that’s terrible.” And yet studies have shown that many people who are laid off, while devastated or shocked or angry at first, say that it was the best thing that ever happened to them. So, is being laid off an inherently bad thing? No. Is it inherently good? No, again.
It all comes down to our perspective (or the meaning we give it).
Meaning shapes our choices.
I can’t help but think of the meaning we are creating in terms of today’s current affairs. I alluded to this in my last blog post:
As I shared in that post, I used the dubious changes by the little technology boys as a catalyst for reevaluating my use of various platforms. This is meaning I created. I determined that their policy changes and allegiances are bad and I determined which actions I wanted to take in response, which I considered to be “good”.
The meaning we create is tied to what we deem to be important (our personal values) and how we choose to see the world (our mindset).
When values collide.
While we like to think our personal values are immovable, both they and our mindsets are evolving all the time, in response to the ever-changing world around us. Not only that, sometimes our personal values contradict each other.
Here’s an example to explain what I mean.
In my last blog post, I mentioned that my husband and I bought a certain electric vehicle last summer. At the time, the decision aligned with our values: it was a step towards embracing a more sustainable future, supporting new technology, and, let’s face it, driving a cool car! I can’t say I loved the CEO of that company then, but we bought the car used so I felt “okay” about where our money was going. Again, you can see all the meaning that I ascribed here.
But as the true breadth of this person’s depravity has come to light, I’ve felt increasingly uneasy about the car I now drive.
So, that sucks. Something I was so excited and proud of mere months ago is now causing me to worry and feel a bit ashamed!
Again, that’s the meaning I’m making of it.
What do we do when no choice feels right?
So now, my husband and I are faced with a new choice. What do we do now? Sell the car and buy something else? Keep it and grumble? Make a different kind of impact in another way?
What we’ve decided to do is keep the car. Because, as much as not supporting douchebags is a personal value of mine, so is protecting my mental health. There is a lot that is anxiety-inducing in the world right now. This is on top of the pressure that comes with running a small business. So, I feel like one of the last things I need at this time is the added stress of selling and buying a new car again so soon. It would hurt my mental health. It wouldn’t be a great financial decision either.
Instead, I may get a bumper sticker that says “Love the car. Hate the CEO.” But, again, this brings into question my personal values because, given the amount of hate already in the world at the moment, broadcasting “hate” on my vehicle doesn’t sit all that well with me either. So, that brings up a whole other personal value I need to consider.
Basically, no choice feels quite right here.
Living our values isn’t always straightforward.
This dilemma with my car is just one example of how tricky it can be to live fully in alignment with our values. Sometimes, no choice feels perfectly “right” because different values pull us in different directions. We all experience this in different ways, whether in what we buy, where we work, how we spend our time, or how we respond to the world around us.
I’ve been speaking with many of you lately who are wrestling with these same kinds of questions. Many of you want to align your actions and choices with what you believe in, with the changes you want to effect, with the changes you want to resist. It’s really heartening to behold all the people who are standing up, sometimes stepping way outside their comfort zone to take up space in a new way.
The full picture matters.
I don’t want to this to be interpreted as dissuasion of any kind but, as I said in my last blog post, I do want to encourage you to consider the full picture before making decisions. This includes considering all your personal values or all the potential meanings.
For instance, my family has been talking a lot about supporting Canadian brands, as a way of offsetting threats to our country’s economy and sovereignty.
(You can see the various meanings that are created here, as well: attributing “bad” to threats to our economy, using these events as motivation to make certain choices, trusting that it is “good” to support Canadian or local. These are all meanings we create.)
However, as intertwined as the Canadian and American economies are, it’s not all that simple to support only Canadian. Plus, it brings up other, complex, questions like, “If we stop supporting the local franchise of a certain coffee chain, will a bunch of Canadians who work there end up unemployed?”
Making choices with compassionate confidence.
My advice is to forge ahead but to do so with compassionate confidence, giving yourself grace and allowing for the grey areas. Have the confidence to take a stand and do what matters to you and what aligns with your values. But have the compassion to assess your perspectives and the meaning you create. And be kind to yourself when certain choices you make align with one value but not with another.
We are all making meaning as we go. Let’s make it in a way that reflects both who we are and who we are becoming.
Love,
Stephanie
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